Blank Check
Have you ever given anyone a blank, signed check? Of course you wouldn't give one to just anyone. Blank checks should only be given to the most trustworthy individuals. A blank check in the wrong hands leaves the door wide open for a disaster. If I give you a blank check I am vulnerable to the consequences of YOUR actions and choices.
Lately I have been contemplating how, when we choose to love someone, we are basically giving the world a blank check. This blank check can't be protected. You can't keep it under lock and key, you can't assure it won't fall into the wrong hands. Either by carelessness or malice, this blank check leaves us vulnerable.
If you know me or have been reading this blog for a while you know that my mother passed away about two and a half years ago. I am just now starting to feel energetic and happy again. This is the first Christmas where I have pulled out all of the decorations and am truly enjoying it rather than just very laboriously going through the motions of holiday obligation. Grief is hard. It took the wind out of my sails for a long time. I still miss my mother very much, but my soul is finally starting to really understand that she's gone. For the longest time, that she was gone was this massive incongruency that just wouldn't compute.
I don't ever want to go through that again, but I know I will. Such is the nature of life. If you love, you're going to grieve. Grieving doesn't just happen when someone dies. Grieving also can happen when someone you love is hurt, or when someone you love hurts you.
This is especially true when you love a child. I've often told pregnant friends that once you have a child it is as though your heart walks around on the outside of your body from that day forward.
I am especially mindful of it right now because in six short days my daughter will take off for a destination 5285 miles away from me. She'll be gone for almost a month. My anxious imagination is going wild. We've taken every precaution. We're comfortable with the arrangements of the trip. We're very happy she has this opportunity. She has worked very hard to be able to go. She'll be having an amazing experience.
Me? I'm looking forward to looking back on it. I like to keep my blank checks a little closer to home.
Lately I have been contemplating how, when we choose to love someone, we are basically giving the world a blank check. This blank check can't be protected. You can't keep it under lock and key, you can't assure it won't fall into the wrong hands. Either by carelessness or malice, this blank check leaves us vulnerable.
If you know me or have been reading this blog for a while you know that my mother passed away about two and a half years ago. I am just now starting to feel energetic and happy again. This is the first Christmas where I have pulled out all of the decorations and am truly enjoying it rather than just very laboriously going through the motions of holiday obligation. Grief is hard. It took the wind out of my sails for a long time. I still miss my mother very much, but my soul is finally starting to really understand that she's gone. For the longest time, that she was gone was this massive incongruency that just wouldn't compute.
I don't ever want to go through that again, but I know I will. Such is the nature of life. If you love, you're going to grieve. Grieving doesn't just happen when someone dies. Grieving also can happen when someone you love is hurt, or when someone you love hurts you.
This is especially true when you love a child. I've often told pregnant friends that once you have a child it is as though your heart walks around on the outside of your body from that day forward.
I am especially mindful of it right now because in six short days my daughter will take off for a destination 5285 miles away from me. She'll be gone for almost a month. My anxious imagination is going wild. We've taken every precaution. We're comfortable with the arrangements of the trip. We're very happy she has this opportunity. She has worked very hard to be able to go. She'll be having an amazing experience.
Me? I'm looking forward to looking back on it. I like to keep my blank checks a little closer to home.
posted by Catherine Banks at 8:24 PM
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